June 30, 2025

I shared what I wrote over the last couple of months with my therapist. She suggested that maybe I try focusing on positive things in my life in my next writing, so here I am to talk about the positive points in my life. 

Tish is probably the most positive aspect of my life right now. We don’t really hang out outside of work, but she makes being at work feel fun. Since we work late, there aren’t a whole lot of customers that come into the gas station besides Duke and a few others who don’t really talk much. Tish and I get to chill behind the counter and talk. Every once in a while, she’ll bring in a deck of cards and we play cards games on one of the small tables in the back of the gas station. We talk a lot about religion. She also grew up in a very religious household, so we watched a lot of the same shows as kids. Neither of us were allowed to watch many mainstream TV shows. Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network were off the table because they were “too secular” and “made all of the parents look like idiots.” We both watched a show called Veggie Tales. The show featured walking, talking vegetables retelling bible stories in a child friendly way. The show had a very diverse cast of different vegetables from Archibald the Asparagus to a Pickle named Mr. Nezzer. The show was always presented by two characters in particular, a Tomato named Bob and Larry the Cucumber. Even though I no longer believe in the things I was taught to believe faith wise as a child, this show still holds a special place in my heart. Thinking back, I think it was because the vegetables represent in my mind what the Bible calls Christians to be. The message that the vegetables passed along to the mind of us kids was one of kindness, love, and acceptance. I came to find out years later that the creator of the show is a Trans ally and speaks out against hate coming from within the Christian community. 

It’s hard to see the good in your life when living doesn’t feel good as often as you’d like. Sometimes it feels like life is feeding you a peanut butter and shit sandwich, and then asking you how you liked the peanut butter. You KNOW peanut butter tastes good, but it’s hard to get over the shit part. Gross comparisons and talking vegetables aside, my therapist was right once again it seems. Reminiscing on feel good childhood shows and friendship is good for the soul. Remembering the joy amidst life's hardships is important. I’ll try to do it more often, that way my journal entries aren’t all doom and gloom. 

Thanks for putting up with my shit sandwich. I’ll talk to you next time, friend.

-Hope