January 31, 2024

It's nights like these. Nights when the world is quiet for once. When I shut my phone down and the constant stream of hatred, death, violence, and politics that intrudes every waking moment of the day grows still. When I'm left alone with only the frogs in the woods singing in glorious, all-encompassing dissonance, that I finally have time to think. 

In honor of a new year (although I’m a bit late) I’m taking some advice from my therapist. I've decided to write these thoughts down in this journal. According to her, writing down my thoughts is a “way to recognize the unhelpful way you’re looking at the world.” I would be more inclined to believe writing is helpful if that wasn’t the exact line that pops up when you search Google for: “why do therapists ask people to write?” 

Perhaps I'll write like I'm talking to a friend. A friend who doesn't talk back and can't really give any helpful advice, but a friend, nonetheless. 

I've been thinking about the past a lot. Not necessarily my past, but the past in a general sense. For example, what if the humans who first invented agriculture decided to feed the hungry instead of trading the surplus? What would life be like today? Would there be debt? Would anyone go hungry? Would I have to sleep in a tent in my grandmother's backyard? Would my job at the gas station pay me enough to eat out every once in a while, instead of having to eat Ramen and steal snacks from work? Would I even have to work, or would humans be able to pursue what makes them happy? 

Though, as I write this, I realize that it doesn’t really matter. The humans who invented agriculture didn’t decide to feed the hungry. And the decision makers that came after them decided to continue that way of life. And now we’re here. 

Perhaps I’m just looking for someone to blame for my shitty situation. Taking more of my therapist’s advice, I’ll focus on the good instead of the bad. I have food, I have shelter, and there are people who care about me. 

Tune in tomorrow night for another episode of “Who Gives a Fuck?” Where I’ll probably ask more questions that don't actually matter. 

Have a good night, friend. 

-Hope